Does it feel like life never goes your way? Do your best-laid plans end up going sideways? It often seems that way for me. Life is notorious for throwing us lemons. I would love to hear your secret if this is not the case for you! For the rest of us, keep reading, and you can learn how to turn lemons into lemonade.
The age-old adage is to turn your lemons into lemonade. That’s a great idea. Only one problem…How do you turn figurative lemons into lemonade?
I know you are probably half-rolling your eyes right now. At least, that is my response when someone tells me to turn lemons into lemonade. Or make the most out of the situation. In the midst of a situation not going your way, the last thing you want to hear is someone telling you to basically get over it. Can I have a little sympathy, please????
In this fashion, I might be a tad hypocritical. I want a little sympathy and maybe a tiny pity party for myself, maybe even a grown-up temper tantrum. What do all of those things get me? Maybe a moment of self-satisfaction, but otherwise, I look like a crazy lady or a big whiny baby.
Here comes the hypocritical part. While it is really tempting to act as I described above, the reality is, it actually gets you nowhere. Do we even like to listen to people complain or throw tantrums? My guess is no.
Why should you care?
I had a 4-year-old foster child for a while, and he was the KING of meltdowns. They could easily last for 45 minutes and were so loud. Talk about growing thick skin quickly! Every time we went into public, it never failed. A meltdown was coming. I did my best to get through stores as quickly as possible. I probably looked like I was getting chased by a herd of Ninjas. Snacks were always handy. They worked briefly until he decided they were great weapons to throw. My car looked like an aquarium for Goldfish crackers.
One day we were at the grocery store. (After this experience, I realized the inventor of the buy your groceries online and they deliver them to your car service was a GENIOUS!) Despite my ninja running tactics through the store, we only made it close to the checkout line before the meltdown began. Let’s say that the meltdown was so loud and such a sight to behold that everyone we walked passed stopped in the middle of what they were doing to stare at us. It looked like we were walking through a wax museum. The only problem was we were the exhibit. The employees shut down our checkout line and didn’t allow anyone to enter behind us until we left the store.
What did this colossal meltdown accomplish for him? Absolutely nothing. He didn’t seem to care that everyone was staring at us. I am certain that level of pure tantrum was absolutely exhausting for him; it sure was for me. I am going to go out on a limb and guess that everyone has been a part of a situation like this in some capacity. It is really just stressful for everyone involved. Let’s pick a different path. (Not that you would throw a giant fit in the middle of the grocery store, but you get what I mean)
If we can’t revert to our meltdown skills of our childhood, how do we turn our lemons into lemonade?
Focus on reality.
First, take a moment and discover the reality of the situation. We have a tendency to over-dramatize our situations. We love drama, even when we say we don’t. Do you watch TV? Can you say DRAMA? It is so appealing …unless you are in the middle of it! 🙂
Take a deep breath when you have been dealt a lemon. When we are faced with stress, we are wired for our bodies to kick into a fight, flight or freeze response. This is handy when we are being chased by bears in the wilderness or getting mugged on a city street; it really has no place in our day-to-day stress.
To reduce stress, we need to take control of this response. To start, stop for a second and take a deep breath. Maybe the situation requires you to count slowly to 10 before you start thinking about it again. This will slow your breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure. Also, reduces your stress hormones. Just a side note, stress hormones can lead to increased belly fat. I am pretty sure I would prefer to get my belly fat from ice cream cones and cupcakes!
Once we take a moment to take hold of the situation, our brains have a chance to start thinking clearly again.
Now that your brain is thinking a bit more clearly, you can see the true reality of a situation. The best way to do this is to take out the emotions. This can be difficult! Sometimes it is helpful to think of the story as if it happened to someone else. Retell the tale in your mind as if your best friend were telling you the story. What would you think about the situation if it were your best friend involved instead of you? This might be a more accurate judge of reality.
Is it personal?
Did they do it to me on purpose?
For example, you are driving down the road, and someone honks at you; maybe you cut them off. Did you cut them off on purpose? Did you wake up today and say, “I am going to find Fred while he is driving to work, and I am going to cut him off so he can have a bad day.”
If you don’t make a point to do inconsiderate, rude, or mean things to others, how many people in this world do you think to wake up in the morning to do those things specifically to you?
When things happen to us, they FEEL very personal. That doesn’t mean whatever happened was actually a personal attack against us. Maybe it was happenstance. Perhaps that person had no idea what they were doing or no idea of the consequences of their actions.
Remember, everyone has a story. You have no idea what they went through this morning until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
Change your perspective.
In the grand scheme of things, how much does this matter? Some things will matter a great deal. Other things like spilling your coffee on the way to work won’t be a blip on the radar by tomorrow.
Ask yourself a few questions.
- Is this going to matter in 10 minutes?
- Is this going to matter in 7 days?
- Is this going to matter in 5 months?
- Is this going to matter in 3 years?
Are you reacting to the situation like your house has been hit by a tornado when you should be acting like it is raining?
Now change the perspective. I rarely recommend comparison, but in this case, take a moment to think about other’s situations. Is your situation as bad as losing an arm or a leg? Is it as bad as living in a starving village in Africa with no clean water? You see where I am going with this. Someone on the planet is living in a worse situation than you. You may not feel like it now, but it can always worsen.
Ouch! I know that hurts, especially when we want a little validation. I am not saying your situation might not be tough; keep it in perspective.
Here are some examples of changing the perspective:
Lost your job = freedom to try something new
Car is totaled in an accident = chance to get a new car
Lose your home = an opportunity to meet new neighbors
Getting sick = a gift to learn wisdom from knowing life is short
Find the positive.
It is really, really, really easy to pick out the negatives in a situation. I can be a world-class complainer when I let myself. It is too hot or too cold, that is too much, that is not enough, it is too hard or too easy, it is too small or too big, it smells, it hurts, it’s no fun, it’s not what I want. Our list could go on and on for hours if we let it.
When we make our minds focus on the negative, we miss out on all of the positive things going on. Let’s go back to my grocery store meltdown. That was positively mortifying, not to mention physically and emotionally exhausting, headache-producing, and downright miserable for all involved. What could I possibly have gained from that experience? I learned there is no point in caring what others think when you are being true to yourself.
When I was in college, I got fired from a job I absolutely loved. To this day, it is one of my favorite jobs. The frustrating part was that I got fired over something I didn’t even do. In my mind, it was completely unfair and unjustified. I was distraught, but I had a few options. I could focus on how unfair it was to lose my job, wallow in self-pity, and complain to everyone I knew. That would have gotten me nowhere. Or I could accept what happened and make the most of it.
Out of that situation, I was in a situation to go to paramedic school. I moved to a different city and went to paramedic school, and I have made some of the most amazing friends and acquaintances as a result. Looking back on the situation, I can find the positive in what, at the time, felt like a giant lemon.
There are times that we don’t see the positive outcome right away. That is ok; we can still look for positive things surrounding the situation. Maybe someone is especially nice to you while you are going through something, there is a beautiful sunset, or you have the opportunity to talk to an old friend. Make it a habit of picking out the positive things in your situation or in your day.
Make an opportunity out of it.
We have talked about taking a deep breath and putting the situation into reality. We have also discussed how to change our perspective on it. Now that we have changed our thinking on the situation, we need to change the situation.
A big note in this is to figure out what you can and cannot change. Some things are simply out of your control. You would be wasting your time attempting to change those things. Everything, however, is not out of your control. Focus on the things you can change. Sometimes that is just your attitude. Other times it is a situation.
The man who invented Kitty Litter first tried to sell his product to chicken farmers. It was a huge failure. The farmers didn’t want to pay the money for it. His neighbor asked him for help because she ran out of sand for her cat. She needed to bring the cat inside because it was cold. He gave her some of his failed chicken product to use because he had no sand. Lo and behold, Kitty Litter was born.
What can you do differently in this situation? What can you take from your current situation and turn it into something else? Maybe it is as simple as a life lesson that if you learn it now, you will never need to learn it again, and your decisions in the future will be wiser.
Never give up.
This is where stubbornness and persistence really come in handy. You will reach your goal eventually if you keep trying. You will get nowhere if you do nothing. A study was done to determine some of the differences between millionaires and poor people. The researchers found that one of the differences is that millionaires are much more likely to work towards their goals longer than poor people. Meaning millionaires don’t give up.
How many times did Thomas Edison attempt to make a light bulb before he was successful? If you don’t know, google it. The number is astounding.
When I was about a month away from graduating college, I was fired from a job I loved. I had an EMT certification and nearly a Bachelor’s degree during this time. I started applying for jobs that used my certification and applied for jobs that would use my degree. Four months and 83 job applications later, I finally had employment. It wasn’t a job I loved, but I needed one. That job eventually led me to my next job, which was life-changing.
Where would I be today if I had given up after applying to 10 jobs? Probably in my parent’s basement!
Life can be unfair and will always throw you lemons! The key to your success and joy is what you do when you get them.
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I would love to hear what you do when life hands you lemons! Make a comment below.
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