Great Expectations
There are expectations all around us. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the expectations placed on you? Do you get frustrated by the way people treat you? Did you know that you have the power to control what flows in and out of your life? Be your best self.
You have expectations in your job, at school, from your family, and even from your roles in life. As a parent, you have probably set expectations for your children but have you ever thought of the expectations you have set for yourself?
A few weeks ago I was co-leading a group of 8th-grade girls at church. The topic of the day was dating and relationships, specifically expectations. You can imagine this was met with squirming and a great sense of uncomfortableness. What teenage girl wants to talk about this topic with an adult? In actuality, I bribed them to ask questions and participate with chocolate chip cookies. 🙂
Don’t worry, this is not on dating expectations. Ah, huge sigh of relief there! But I will send you a virtual chocolate chip cookie if you keep reading. 🙂
During that discussion, I realized that we would all benefit from setting expectations. How often do we find ourselves in a situation where we walk away thinking, “I wish I would have done this….” or “ I wish I would have said….” Sometimes we even shake our heads and wonder how someone could treat us in such a manner. The common denominator in all of these situations is us.
Can you control others?
As much as I would like to have control over what other people say and do, I don’t. I can control myself and I can be my best self! I do think that a world run with Michelle as the boss would be awesome. People would be nice, everything would be clean, and things would move quickly. Let’s not forget the biggest perk, there would be absolutely NO drama!
Back to reality. That world will never exist. I work in a middle school and in an ambulance. I’m often plopped into other’s drama and expected to fix it. I have quickly learned that I have absolutely zero control over their drama. The only person I can control is myself and the only attitude I can control is my own.
Personal Expectations
You might be thinking, “Ok Michelle, that is great but what does this have to do with expectations?” I am here to share. 🙂 We are all familiar with the expectations that are placed on us by others and society. Most of us are expected to get to work on time. We are expected to wait in line at the grocery store and we are expected to stop at red lights when we are driving.
In all of these scenarios, there are consequences when we don’t meet the expectation. If we don’t show up to work on time, eventually we will be fired. If we fail to stand in line at the grocery store some angry person is going to give us dirty looks and yell at us. Running red lights will likely get us a ticket or into an accident.
Have you ever thought of setting expectations for yourself? I know that sometimes it feels like life’s expectations are crushing. Don’t give up yet. These expectations should make your life easier in the long run. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to not have those moments of regret? Setting expectations for yourself is one way to help with that.
Take a few minutes and think about how you want to act or behave. How do you want to be your best self? Once you have done that think about the times you wish you would have acted differently or the times you get frustrated with your reactions. Download my free worksheet to help!
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A few examples:
An example from work for me is that middle schoolers LOVE to argue. I have caught myself on a few occasions arguing with a 13-year-old about cleaning up after themselves in the cafeteria. At the end of that encounter I think, “why in the world am I arguing with a 13-year-old.” From this example, I have set an expectation with myself that I will not argue with my students. So now instead of getting in a verbal match with a teenager, I tell them what I would like them to do. If they don’t immediately do it, I tell them the consequence of not doing it and I walk away. That means no annoying argument for me, they have expectations and they can choose their actions. It is win-win for both of us.
Another expectation that I have set for myself is not to complain. I hate when people complain and so I do not want to be negative and bring others down. Now I catch myself when I am complaining and put a stop to it. Does this mean I never complain? Of course not, I am human. It is just something that I strive for.
There are so many examples of expectations that you could set for yourself. You could set expectations about spending money, interacting with others, or the amount of time you spend on social media. The list could be endless and is personal to you.
Expectations for how others will treat you.
Often I hear people complaining that others treat them poorly. Usually, they describe that others are taking advantage of them. This seems to be the case often with women. They will tell me that they can’t find a good man to date because all of them treat them like trash.
When you go to a restaurant and order dinner would you send it back if the server brings you something other than your order? Most of us would say yes to this. You expected to receive a steak and instead, someone gave you fried bologna. Would you just eat a plate of bologna when you have ordered a steak? Likewise in life are you going to accept what you have not ordered?
What will you do about it?
This brings me to my point, what is your order? What are your expectations for the way that you will be treated? For me, I expect that men will treat me with respect and like a lady. I am no one’s property and I expect that they allow me to be my own person. In my workplace, I expect people treat me with respect as well. I do not tolerate when people yelling at me.
I refuse to be a doormat or a pushover. You might be thinking, that is great Michelle in theory BUT how do you control how others treat you? To start you need to respect yourself. I respect myself enough to demand respect when others interact with me. Second I have expectations in my mind of how others will treat me. This is something that needs to be done prior to interacting with someone. By the time you are in the middle of a situation, it is often too late.
The key is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Showing disrespect to others is not a good way to get respect in return. Here is a simple working example. During the week I work as a school counselor in a middle school. As you can imagine there is a lot of drama and a lot of attitudes. When students sit in my office with big attitudes I stop them and inform them that there are no attitudes in my office. We wait until they can get their attitude under control and then they can tell me whatever is on their mind.
This same technique can be used in everyday life. State that you will not be treated that way. It is true that you can not change someone else’s behavior but you can take yourself out of the situation. Remind them that you give respect and expect respect in return. Remove yourself from the situation if they cannot treat you with respect. People will quickly learn how they will treat you if they want to be around you.
It’s ok to say no!
Part of setting expectations is also setting boundaries. It is ok to tell people no. The key is to be firm but polite. You don’t need to give an explanation. No means no. No, I will not loan you $200. I will not come over tonight. No, I will not come to work on my day off. It is important to be firm and polite. If you back down and are wishy-washy then your no will instead mean, “just keep asking, eventually I will give in.”
Say “no” to the things you need out of your life so that you have time and energy to say “yes” to the things that need to be in your life. Say “yes” to being your best self.
To sum it up, it is ok to have expectations for how you interact with the world around you and how you would like others to interact with you. Stepping out of a situation until things settle down is an excellent way to change the playing field. You have control over your life and what you allow in. No one can take that away from you.
Don’t forget to join The Flock to download your free worksheet!
Do you want some more tips on making life a little smoother? Check out my post on the Keys to Happiness here.
